Dear friend:
Just last month, Ted and I had a wonderful time celebrating our 26th wedding anniversary. I remember when I first met Ted, I was just 19, almost 20. It only took a couple weeks for me to become completely infatuated with him. After all, where can a Portuguese girl find a 6’9" man in Portugal?
We lived 10 minutes away from each other on the same train line and one time we saw each other on the train. From then on, whenever I was on the train, I was always on the lookout to see if Ted would be on as well. He also used to call me at home and ask me how my Sunday service went or some other excuse to talk to me. I was constantly on pins and needles, waiting for him to call me. My emotions for him were so heightened that one time I was in a bank and I heard a phone ringing—this was before cell phones—immediately my heart leapt as I thought, “It’s Ted!” Obviously, it was not Ted because I was in a bank! We can be so silly when we ar in love. Our thoughts are completely and utterly consumed with this other person.
Do You Remember When You First
Fell In Love With God?
The time I felt something similar and even more profound was when I first experienced the Holy Spirit working in me. It began when I chose to forgive my father. I felt a burden lift and such lightness and peace in my heart like I had never felt before. Two months later, I learned that my salvation was a free gift from God. What an amazing joy I had. I still remember Pastor Jim Reimer talking about God’s grace and when the light bulbs turned on in my mind. The word of God activated by the Holy Spirit is powerful and living; it can touch the depths of our emotions, mind, soul and body. The more time we spend talking to God and eating from his word, the more we receive of his love; and there’s NOTHING like his love!
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
Hebrews 4:12
Working For Love:
A Paradigm Of The World
Sometimes we have it all reversed. We work for God thinking that somehow we can deserve and work for his love. Ministry should come out of the abundance of our love for him and his love for us. One Sunday my local pastor, David Cannistraci preached about the joy of the mission. That really struck a chord with me. Ministry should come out of an overflow of God’s presence, love, and joy in our lives.
An Example NOT to Follow
A while ago, I watched a documentary about Carlton Pearson. Pearson was a very well-known Pentecostal preacher in the 90’s with a big church until one day he had a “revelation” from God that hell did not exist. As he shared the new revelation with his congregation, the church began disintegrating. Eventually, he would become a Unitarian Universalist and his parish declared him a heretic in 2004.
One thing that stuck with me was when he shared how happy he felt that now he did not feel compelled to share the gospel with anyone when he was in the plane (as one example). Before he had always felt obligated to do so. What’s wrong with this picture? Since when do we have to share the gospel with others? It should be we get to share the gospel with others. The only thing compelling us should be love, not a sense of obligation, not someone forcing us to do it, not because it looks good, or because this is what everybody does around us, but because we love God. If we know his love, we naturally want others to experience the same!
Restore the Joy of My Salvation
David sinned against God when he “layed down” with Bathsheba and then killed her husband Uriah to cover it up. In Psalm 51, where David repents for this sin, David asks God to restore to him “the joy of my salvation and a willing spirit.” He follows this statement with an evangelistic statement! It seems that somehow David left his first love. Could it be that leaving his first love, put him in a path of sin? We have to constantly get back to that foundation, if we want live a holy life and minister to the lost.
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Then I will teach transgressors your ways so that sinners will turn back to you.
Psalm 51:10-13
What If We Lose Our First Love?
What happens if we lose our first love? We stop acting like children of God and start acting like servants. We become performance oriented and try to please people more than God. Eventually, we forget the reason for why we are doing what we are doing. We forget to love on the Lord and draw joy from his presence. Instead, we act on our own strength. We get busy with life and sometimes we’re doing things for him but they become a burden. We forget “the joy of our salvation.”
“I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. ...without growing weary, you have persevered and endured many things for the sake of My name.
…But I have this against you: You have abandoned your first love. Repent and perform the deeds you did at first.”
Revelations 2:2-5
Backtrack In Order To Restore
When I’m weary and exhausted and start losing my joy for the things of God, I know I have to backtrack. Even at this moment, I’ve been going through a very dry season spiritually. Sometimes I don’t feel the joy. The weight of life, caring for my kids (they are young adults, but they are still my kids), taking care of our household, teaching dance while constantly dealing with my physical recovery has taken a toll on my heart. I know what to do though. I need time basking with my God, my loving Savior. I need to return to my first love and spend time in his presence so he can restore the joy of my salvation.
The Joy of the Lord is NOT Optional
I don’t think it’s optional to have the joy of the Lord. That is the only way to do ministry and to live a godly life. God wants us to be in love with him, always like little children in awe of their parents. He has not created us to be robots or servants to work for him. He doesn’t need us, after all he is God!
Here’s my prayer:
“Lord, I repent for leaving my first love. Restore to me the joy of my salvation so that sinners can come to you. Deliver me from performance oriented ministry and create in me a willing spirit. Thank you for your unconditional love! I love you, Heavenly Father. Amen”
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